Shivan Jaikaran’s Blog

Wife 1.0 Software
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all
other programs and now monitors all other system
activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football
5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no
longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I
can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend
7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain
about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and
Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to
Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or
purge the program files from the system once
installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.” I recommend that
you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
situation. I suggest installing the background
application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software
augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command
C: \ APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to
give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will
return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be
very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several
support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these
programs. Improper use will cause the system to
launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0
is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!!

DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary
With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not
supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Awww shocks! This is what happens when you have friends who are graphics design artists! Don’t let them get your picture! lol

(This was a sample pic taken to put on a security ID…somehow it fell in the wrong hands!)

(Last night I had a dream. I dreamt I could fly (via hang gliders). It was soo cool.)

As I disembark from one chapter of my life to the next I begin to realise many things…..things you can only learn through experience. Although you may have a destination….your not in for that. You just gotto go “Woohoo!” and enjoy the ride!…Cosmopolitan cocktail in one hand, pina colada in the next and the wind hitting you in the face at 400 miles per hour. :S

Even if you have a crash landing, you just gotta get up and hop on the next plane (as long as you didn’t die). You will always meet passengers along the way….and that is what they will always be….passengers. Unless ofcourse, you meet some friendly non-passengers.

You MUST make an effort to meet somebody new on your journey, even if there is no one next you, make friends with the sand bag replacement!

So my flight is delayed a bit…so what? It’s the journey you are in for right? I remain in transit…perhaps for life…not by choice.

This is me intransit at Grantly Adams International Airport, Barbados having a Banks Beer right outside the airport. Picture taken by my passenger friend.

(Shivan was last seen trying to catch a flight, running through the airport, boarding pass in one hand, holding his jeans with the other, all because the security guard thought he looked “familiar”)